I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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