Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
