So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
