I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
