Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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