woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
