i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
