i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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