I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize