I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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