I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
