called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
3pm strippers are depressing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
