Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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