Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
