the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
