I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
