"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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