i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
