My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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