I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
