The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
