did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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