I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
