It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
