help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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