I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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