im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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