He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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