I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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