How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
