Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
