we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
