And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
