You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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