Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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