So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
