My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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