oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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