Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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