margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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