At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
