I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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