I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
