I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
