I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
