Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
