I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Someone signed my nipple.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
