I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
