I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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