Yo dont text me then not text me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
