i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you didnt know i had herpes?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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