oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
