Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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