1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
