My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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