I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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