Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
