I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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