it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
