Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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