I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
